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I AM FEMALE MAGAZINE GUEST BLOGGER

to my dear babies,

dear "baby nikon p5000",
mommy is sorry i said i was gonna sell you away. i didn't mean it one bit, you're my first camera love. i bought you with my own hard-earned cash back when mommy had nothing at all. mommy fought a lot with my fiance (then boyfriend) about buying you because you just came out at that time and you were crazy expensive for our tiny budget but i made him believe you're worth it. and you are! you proved yourself time and time. you were suppose to be at his house because you're his now, now that i've bought lumix. but baby even though i have lumix you were always on my bed, sleeping by my head each day. mommy's sorry i didn't bring you along yesterday, i usually do when i go out. baby i'm sorry, i hope i can find you back...

dear "baby dell xps m1330",
mommy is sorry that i've been neglecting you these past few days. i come back home tired everyday and you just lie there on your cooler, unused. you're my first installment plan my first credit card has ever been put to use. you were a huge decision for me because you're well worth a few thousand which i had no cash for whatsoever, my first big buy when i just seriously started off being a career lady, my first so-called asset. you're red and tough, light as a pre-school text book and crazy awesome. you've been holding all my pictures and movie collections for the past 2 1/2  years. i can't even imagine how my business would go if i don't have you. mommy is so sorry baby.. i really want you back. i really wish i brought you along yesterday too, we usually never leave you behind but mommy were only out for a facial treatment so there was no need for two laptops but clearly i was wrong. you should have been with me.

dear "baby gold chain necklace with heart locket",
mommy is sorry i didn't wore you out yesterday, been wearing you eversince my mother aggravated me by saying why i never wore the jeweleries she gave me, she's scared that it was stolen so to prove her wrong i wore you a few weeks before and after i came back to my hometown. but then you keep falling off coz your snap closure was not neatly fasten, something which can be easily done with a bit of force -- you were falling off my neck when i was taking a shower one morning so i took you off and put you on the dresser next to my bed. big mistake, i should have either put you back with the rest of your friends, which were safe from yesterday's harm or i should have worn you. you were a special gift from my mother and now i've lost you... i'm really really sorry baby, nothing can replace you..

dear "casio databank & blue swatch skin",
mommy is so sorry i never wore you guys ever since my fiance gave me a gold casio calculator watch. believe it or not, you guys are special to me, my first casio and first swatch. yeah mommy is so poor you have no idea. baby swatch, you were a gift from my fiance (then boyfriend) when he came back from Japan. there's no replacing you. i wish i had worn all my watches yesterday, who cares if KL is not ready for that, who cares if people think i'm crazy, who cares! who cares!

dear "coins i collect in a tiny bowl on my dresser",
you were the reason i realize my room was broken into (no sign of break-and-enter, thief/thieves probably did an acrobatic act flying from balcony to my room's barely open window. fuck), you were all over the place and when i checked out the bowl it was empty. i spun around and the cooler was by it's own, no laptop. shock, panic -- called fiance & housemate. numb. numb. numb. too numb to cry. police report at 1.30am. investigators came down at about 2.30am. housemate came back at 3am. told her i'm gonna sleep at my friend's house, left at 3.30am. she was still at home. she doesn't seem too shocked or at all scared. she sleeps in our post-broken-into home like nothing happened. i'm still too shocked and sad to think about anything else but fiance has only one suspect in his mind. i on the other hand -- cried when i was washing my face, cried when i was about to sleep at 430am, woke up at 6something and cried a little, went to the toilet and cried, sat in a corner of the bed crying. wrote this letter and, well guess you know it already.

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i ain't some lucky mufaka bastards who were born with filthy rich parents who can simply buy them new things when shit like this happens. i work so bloody hard for all the assets i own, which pretty much can be counted with one hand. and i only get to enjoy all the mufaking luxury stuff once i'm well into my 20's. i ain't got no anak dato' boyfriend to spare me all my miseries and buy me pressies whenever i'm feeling down or throw me dollars when i don't have money to buy food. i am an average girl who work to get the things i want, my fiance works his head off to get the stuff he gets me and never have i taken him for granted. we share the honda city, we share the dell laptop, we share the tiny vaio, we share the nikon. we share the money to buy all the stuff we want you fools! he struggles whenever i struggle and vice versa. if he struggles to buy me nine west or some filthy luxury makeup then i struggle buying him an aldo boot or paying for his new topman shirt. a penny for a penny. a dollar for a dollar. we make it fuckin' work. you're so mufakin lucky that your parents or boyfriend can afford to buy you new blackberry when the other one broke and if you ain't grateful for what you have well i'll be damned.
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i'm so fuckin' angry and sad, my vagina is crying out blood. good times.

i'm moving out. i don't wanna live there anymore. all those bloody rempit downstairs can all go fuck themselves. and for the person who took my stuffs while leaving the rest of the house intact, with no sign of breaking and entering from the front door, i hope your p/e/e/n/s will fall off next time you're doing sex, or your v/a/h/j/a/y/j/a/y will burn like a wasabi tabasco shit is poured into it, or i hope your hands and legs will burn of creepy skin disease and bloody hell next time you cross the road -- i pray hard that a truck runs you over and squish you like fuckin' bananas.

whatever guys. just let me be for awhile. sorry i'm not all gracious and cute today.