venting VENUE

At this point, stressing myself out helps no one. And today, I'd like to talk about venue. At first we wanted to just make one big reception for both family, save on time and most possibly can make the wedding more grandeur without too much details to concentrate on (as oppose to having 2 receptions). But.......... Objections from his parents and my mom.

Our folks were afraid if their relatives won't come to the reception because of course to be fair, we would have to pick somewhere in the middle as venue and Ipoh was pretty much the only & good choice - because there would be numerous halls & hotels and travel time from both Parit & Teluk Intan to Ipoh takes almost the same length of time. But to them it's unacceptable that a wedding of their child should take place anywhere but their home :(

Okay, fine. His parents eternally won't budge from their decision, my mom was partial about it so maybe I can make my reception at a small hall in my tiny hometown. She was sorta okay but not okay, all my sisters were rooting for me to do it at the hall - easier to manage all the guests, foods and we don't really have to fuss about the house decos and everything.

And then, starts the house renovation, a month after we announce our confirmed wedding date. So our house is really really old, probably about 30-40 years of age? My parents built that house ever since they started the family and has been living there ever since, I grew up there! Infact we all did! It would be so nostalgic if I have my wedding reception at our family house, and I'm sure that would make my mom happy and my late Dad would approve... And every single time Naz brings up about the venue to my mom, she hints that she would love to have my wedding at our house. Alright, let's scratch the idea of a hall reception and do it the old-school way. At our tiny old house, even though we've had plenty of experience of doing kenduri at our house, I don't think we've learnt any lesson from all those experiences. We know we can't handle the crowd, we know we're ill-equipped, don't have enough hands and limited space. But yeah what the heck just go for it if that's what the old folks wants.

So I thought maybe the house renovation will improve our old house, maybe we can handle the crowd, maybe we can be equip enough physically & mentally and work as a team. Then, two months to the wedding, my eldest sister or else so called engineer of the house renovation got into a huge row with my mom, funder of the renovation project. House renovation came to a halt, tiles all over the place, unpainted spots here and there, front porch broken into pieces. It's gonna be okay right? They are not gonna be fighting for long right? They will come around.... right?

Wrong. A month to the wedding and they are still bitter to each other. The house a wreck, and I don't have the capacity to handle all these emotions & work on my wedding preparation all by myself. We had to go back to our hometown more often than needed and I help mom re-organize the house on the parts that I can. My mama is an old lady turning 60 this year, and has been a widow since I was 14 years old. I know she can't do it all by herself and clearly all my siblings should be aware of that too. But one sister is obliviously happy with her family in Kelantan, another followed her husband to Sabah and one just had to go mind-wrestle with my mom only a few weeks before my wedding. I have a younger brother but I don't think he's mature enough to wrap his head around all these problems.

Another thing, both the houses next to us are abandoned because the owners has died due to old age and naturally, none of the children wanted to stay at any of the houses. So we have to clear up the surrounding areas so that we can use to prop up the canopies. I hope we have enough time and I really hope mom knows what to tell the people we hire to clear up the area coz I know she just likes to go with the flow and not explain every single detail, I mean I don't want her to be doing the cleaning coz she has enough on her plate already! She needs to accept that she can't do everything by herself, and she can pay people to do it for her! I mean I'm the one paying................ I don't know I just want things to be perfect. Which bride wouldn't wanna?

Now comes the regret of not clearly choosing the right venue, I should have stick with my initial plan with the hall reception. But it's too late for that, the cards are already printed and a lot of planning has been about the house so we just have to brave ourselves (me + Naz + my mom) through this one.

I really need to vent that out, it's not all happy & sunshines over here. There are things that we can't control, things we don't expect to happen but just do.

So girls, or brides-to-be make sure if you really wanna take control of your wedding preparation, if you really wanna be involved in it, make sure you have ample time to do so. A year is ideal enough for that. And make sure your family are able to help you, if not, gather around a team of friends that are willing to help you through thick & thin and hold your hands when the tears starts falling coz by God there will be tears, and you will be stressed the mathafatha out. Coz once you get yourself involved in the wedding preparation, there's no turning back. Believe me, you will want to get involve a 100% if you can. But if not, just outsource everything and don't be stressful like me.

I have a few pimples waiting to pop. FML.

But ladies;

p/s: Funny how strangers would come to you and offer help while close friends would just go invisible. Sincerity aside, it's the thought that counts. Pray for me, girls (&boys).

image via


  1. ami, ill comment on this soon, too much to digest in opis hour, haha.. keep calm =) tho im not sure what happen.. takpe2 ill come back..

  2. ouh sedeynya baca..sabar ye ami...kdg2 apa yg dirancang tak menjadi spt yg kita duga..samalah juga bila tiba masanya...

    akan ada sana sini yg lari habes dr perancangan kita..i just pegang dulu..i dah buat sehabis baik.. tapi apa saja yg berlaku pd waktu adalah kehendak dari-NYA.

  3. ami,

    safe to say that ive been through the same as you're going through and i can reassure a hundred times if i need to that i truly and deeply understand what you're going through. i believe and have always been reminded by the elders repeatedly that when the day is drawing nearer lagi banyak dugaan akan datang and we just have to brace ourselves for the things we least expect and most of all, on the things we do not want to happen. but inevitably, this is life. Allah takkan bagi kita benda baik dengan sesenangnya. in order to receive something good we must do equal, if not more good than the rezeki that's coming our way. insya Allah, dengan membantu your mom walaupun sedikit sebanyak ada ganjarannya. I myself am not living in a cotton candy bumble gum land as oppose to what many others have that impression on me. cuma I feel that it is not important for the world to know the bad things that have happened. you take one thing at a time, take a breather and slowly deal with each issue. in no time you'll be able to handle it. take care okay? hang in tight soldier! :)

    and oh, i swear i couldn't agree more on the close friends vs stranger part. hence the last post "Godspeed". we're totally in the same boat ami! you can do it!

  4. dear ami ..bawa bersabar yea kadang apa yang kita rancang camne sempurnanya pasti ada cacat dan tidak sebaik mana yuang kita hendakkan .. bawa bertenang ...berdoalah banyak2 insyaAllah berjalan lancar yang penting akad nikah lancar ..okey !!! yea cool ..

  5. tak sangka pulak wedding preparation boleh jadi susah sampai macam ni.
    sabar je la ami. kalau nak buat benda baik memang banyak dugaan. chaiyok ami & naz! you guys can do it!

  6. dear ami, sabar byk2 k... faham sgt situasi ko. takde adik pompuan, tu y susah sikit since kakak2 ko sume da ada keluarga sdr kan..kalau aku da abis belajo time ni buleh je aku nk tlg mana y patut..

    after all nk kawen dah ni..kena happy, and be positive k! dugaan ni mematangkan kite..janji kena sabar byk2.. kesian enche', penat dia ngemas kat umah tu..

    insyaALLAH jpe kat Parit nnt! ;)

  7. ami,
    i know it's cliche but i cant seem to think any word other than sabar.
    i believe every bride-to-be pun akan alami benda macam ni...

  8. hi ami. aku pn xsangka keje kawen neh cmni.
    ami kuat kan semangat.
    sikit je lagi ni.
    ber-u-sa-ha!! ;)

    p/s- kt rumah pun mslh renovation gak. nk kawen mid-year kt rumah. boss insist nk buat renovation b4 mid-yr. tp skrg blum lg start. hmm...

  9. Owh poor Ami..I trully understand ur situations...sabar banyak2 yea...I'll will doa banyak2 untuk u semoga everything berjalan lancar :)

  10. thank you everyone for the kind comments, i really just needed to vent out. keeping all this cooped out really kills me.

    lesson learned. alas, keep calm and carry on... /sigh.

  11. thats the spirit dear! keep calm.. till the wedding day itself! hehe. lea dulu pun mcm nk semua perfect, but i know there's no such thing. btw hope everything goes smoothly for both yours and your partner's side. take care and enjoy!

  12. hi dear.. accidentally saw this post and thought I'll put in two cents. I too had wanted to have a hall wedding but vetoed by parents .
    but at the end of day --- ada hikmah juga.

    yes it is our wedding day.. but it is our family day too.. it's hard to please everyone... but it's something we had to do

  13. i mcm tk sabar nk habis kenduri semua. stress gila ok. kenduri i pn considered simple sgt. tu pn stress. sighh.

    setahun nk plan wedding? i only had 3 months to plan everything! :(

  14. @aurinh, thanks for your comment. You're right, it's a day for the family as well... I just wish they feel the same way and try to make things work.

    @atiqah, i pun ada 3-4 months je to prepare.. fiance's work schedule is crazy so have to abide with that.. good luck to both of us love!


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